6FootBombshell

No matter the credentials, status and wealth a woman has, none of that makes her free from having low self-esteem, low self value and this undeniable feeling of incompleteness if she’s single.  With all the accomplishments and advancements we have made, some women still do not feel validated until they have a man.

I came across a story of a woman named Jacquelyn Kotarac, Dr. Jacquelyn Kotarac to be exact, from Bakersfield, California.  A 49-year old woman, who on paper “appears” to be a good catch.  She has the beauty and the brains combination that one would assume most men would want.  There are reports that Dr. Kotarac was in one of those on-again, off-again relationships that many go through.  Apparently during the “off season” of this relationship, Jacquelyn dies.  How you ask?  Breaking into her boyfriend’s house.  This lady took a ladder, climbed to the roof and went feet first through the chimney and got stuck.  While she was trying for her best 007 impersonation, her boyfriend was sneaking out the front door.  Three days later her corpse was found in the flue.

This brings me to ask what was going through her head and the head of other women who have gone through drastic measures to get in contact with a man who apparently doesn’t want any contact?  What brought Jacquelyn to the point of scaling a damn building and climbing through the chimney?  I’m sorry.  I just laughed typing that because it sounds crazy as hell.  Initially I just charged it to the low self-esteem game but then I began to think of other possible factors.  Factors such as the societal pressures that are put on us to be married.  Anything but single.   A single lady is treated like she has the bubonic plague.  Plenty of times when asked about my marital status and I tell them unmarried, I’ve been asked “What’s wrong with you?  33 and you’re not married yet?”  When marriage is brought up in a professional or personal setting, if there’s an unmarried woman in the circle, an awkward silence comes over the convo as if she just said she worshiped the devil.  I begin to think of all the paparazzi reports and front cover articles of Jennifer Anniston is “SINGLE AGAIN!!” *insert horror movie music*  What is she going to do now?  Jennifer Anniston, alone AGAIN!  All the reports, books and documentaries of the single ladies guide to FINDING AND GETTING YOU A MAN!   Single?  We can help you out!  Then there’s mother dearest.  How many times has a daughter heard her mother say “isn’t it about time you get married?” “I sure wish you hurry up and give me my grandchildren.”  I’ve even heard a mother tell her daughter they were damn fools for not marrying an abusive prick because “only a fool would choose to be over 30 and unmarried.”

Fortunately, I believe because of what my parents instilled, I’ve never had a thought of climbing to the roof of a mans house to shimmy down his chimney like a bootleg ass Santa Clause.  I’ve never gone through a phone or took part in a “drive by” with my girls as passengers ready to slice tires and bust out windows.  I know a large reason why is because of the men that I’ve dated.  I’ve never kept a man around that would give me a reason to have to get all Inspector Gadget-ish on him.  But I do believe another part of it is my self-esteem.   But that’s just me.  Who’s to say just because these pressures didn’t affect me negatively they wouldn’t another woman?  And if they did affect a woman emotionally, does that mean she was weak and not as strong as someone else that doesn’t let these outside factors get to them?  What exactly brings a woman to say ‘when I get to his house, I’m going through his chimney”?

I think I have an answer to the problem:  Mom, stop telling your daughters something is wrong with them if they’re not married; Dad, you’re our first identifiable source of male affection. When we’re validated by you, we’re not looking for validation from any other man; society stop acting like a single woman in a room full of married people is an outcast.  You don’t do the same for men.  When men are single, they’re celebrated.  He’s the “American Gigolo” living life free and to the fullest.  His single life is envied by most of his male friends and society in general.  He’s portrayed on TV and the big screen as the hot, hip, cool, fun, life-is-so-easy, single man.  But a single woman is depicted as lonely, sexually promiscuous females that are “longing to be loved because they missed something at home”, a bitch and whatever else when we’re single.   Why the double standards?   And can this play a part in why we have 50 year-old women in their best James Bond rendition, climbing through chimneys? SMH.

Get Out of the Recession Blues! via #constantcontact.

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Like most of us ladies, we have a mean fetish for a bad ass shoe.  The addiction to heels and Christian Louboutin’s newest release is worthy of an episode on A&E’s “Intervention”.  If you’re lucky, you can curb that addiction with a fix.

One of my most notable fashionista friends, Che as she is called, posted her “new babies” on Facebook.  Her new baby is a beautiful black suede with turquoise spray paint, Nicholas Kirkwood shoe. Feast your eyes on this ladies…

Nicholas Kirkwood Fall 2010, $815.  Available at Jeffrey Atlanta and NY.

Social networking has made my addiction to gadgets, especially cell phones, reach new levels.  I was anti-social networking 12-18 months ago but after pressure from my friends to join Facebook, I’ve been a crackhead ever since.   It wasn’t enough to have all my FB notifications come to my Blackberry but I had to have it come to my Droid and my iPod.  Then Twitter came into my life.  It wasn’t enough to just download UberTwitter, an application specifically for Blackberry phones, but I had to download TweetDeck to my iPod and to my Droid.   Is that not insane?  Then WordPress.com got a Blackberry application.  Then it got a iPhone/iPod application.  It wasn’t enough for me to just blog when I turned on my laptop but now I need to blog on all my gadgets?  Is that not insane?

As I sat at the Dwele concert (3 blogs down) I couldn’t help to notice all the light illuminating from the hands of almost everyone in the audience.  Literally, almost everyone.  Here we have this sexy ass man crooning on stage and people couldn’t put their Blackberry, iPhone, Droid, HTC’s down.  Every moment needed to be tweeted or facebooked.  Dwele’s in the background setting a serious mood.  Singing his best baby-making music.  Since most of the crowd were couples you would think that there would be more cupcaking but instead of being unable to keep hands off each other, they couldn’t keep their hands off their phones.  And nothing, I mean nothing, should keep you away from copping a few squeezes on your main squeeze.

The social networking matrix has controlled most of our minds.  I recently lost all my gadgets to water damage – iPod touch, a Blackberry, a Droid.  When I noticed all of my items submerged in a puddle of red colored juice, my heart began to race and immediate anger began to boil my blood.  The first thing I thought was “OMG!  Now how am I going to tweet?!?”  Not the fact that my very new Droid was less than a month old, my new Blackberry was less than 2 months old and my iPod Touch 64GB was less than 6 months old so all that money I spent never crossed my mind.   Not until hours later and phone calls made that I realized that none of my items would be replaced because my insurance doesn’t cover juice damage.   A loss in my ability to  tweet, facebook, reddit, digg it, flicker, wordpress, rss feeds, BBM, IM and every other form of this crack outweighed that all the money I spent was out the window and I would probably have to rebuy every single gadget I owned.

It’s been a couple of weeks since this epic loss and I feel like a 2 bit crackhead in withdrawal.  My backup phone I purchased just to have a phone has none of the social networking capabilities and I feel like killing myself.  How pathetic is that?

Hi.  My name is Anjie.  And I’m addicted to social networking.  *shrugs*

With all my tough girl exterior I possess, I’m still a punk when it comes to a good scary movie. I jump, I’m nervous, I’m biting my nails.. I’m a COMPLETE mess. This list is the epitome of scary movie. There are some on this that I still have not been able to sit entirely through because of my nerves.

To bad they don’t make movies like this anymore. I tried to think of great slashers of today and couldn’t come up with anything. Can you?

The Movie Brothers nailed this!  Read on…

Brian Oh how we love seeing the sexually active camp counselors getting slashed in their tent, the shaky-handed sidekick who enters a dark room they have no business going in, or a slasher raise from the dead for the 20th time. This is a fun list to do because my brother and I have always been huge fans of slasher films.  Once we were old enough, we would convince our Mom to sign us in at the R-rated screenings so we could see the newest sequels … Read More

via The Movie Brothers

I wish fathers were celebrated more throughout the year.  Because at the end of the day they are just as important and just as needed as mom is.  There should be a shift from this unwritten “societal rule” that mom is the nurturer and dad is the breadwinner.  Yes, biologically mom is but there needs to be a movement in the family structure where dad is also the nurturer.

I was fortunate enough to have my father in my life until he was struck down by a silent killer.  One day he went to the hospital for what he thought was severe gas or stomach pain only to be told it was pancreas cancer and had only a few months to live.  Three months later he was gone.  At this time I can say I had him for most of my life but it dawned on me when I get old and grey I will only of had him for a very short period of time.  I’ve been robbed.

I honestly do not know who’d I be if I didn’t know him.  This is in no way to take away my mother’s role but my father’s love was my first identifiable source of male affection.  It has prepared me for the next man in my life.  Because of my father’s love I do not seek validity from a man.  My father told me I was already valid.  Because of his love I know my worth and how I’m supposed to be treated.   I was so prepared for love and dating.  It was like he had everything written out for me and it was the small things that he was always right about that determined the character of a man.  He told me if a man can’t give you his home number (this was way before  cellphones took over) then he’s married or living with a woman.  That always stuck in my head when I was meeting guys and literally almost every guy at that time that could not give me a house phone was married or with a girlfriend.  I’ll never forget the time a gentlemen was giving me his beeper and office number.  He said, “I work 50+ hours so I’m never home.”  As he extends his hand out with the business card I said to him, “my father told me any man who can’t give me his home number is not a man I should be dealing with.  You’re married, aren’t you?”  I’ll never forget his face.  His head dropped and the hand that had his card in it fell back to his side.  He began to shake his head and laugh.  He was busted.  But what has resonated in me to this day was his reply:  YOU HAVE A GOOD FATHER.  TAKE CARE.   And we parted ways.   He walked away with the card in his hand.  There was no need to lie or plead his case.  He knew I wasn’t the chick to run the game on.  Stories like that were few and far between.  I always seemed to gravitate towards men like my father or them to me.   It was the norm for me to be in the company of great men that in some way epitomized my dad.

Then there are the other traits that make 6FootBombshell the women that she is.   Besides the height and the dimples he gave me the desire to never conform, my righteous fury, my fight for what is right, the revolutionary that’s inside me, my mindset.  All these things are my father.  His role was my future.

Daddy, thank you for being my blueprint.  Thank you for loving me.  Happy Father’s Day.